Confessions: me wa kuchi ho do ni mono o ii
by Ravenous Silentside
Summary: "The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze."---Karl x Thomas pairing **contains shonen-ai/yaoi and partial angst** RE-EDITED


Disclaimer: I don't own zoids, and I don't entertain any flames for that matter, they are not worth soiling your hands on and as if we do all care about that ^^; if I can make someone perversely happy with this, and so be it. I accept constructive criticism, though.  
  
Note: Yay, after writing so many sap romantic RK ficcies as Ori Oscuro here I am. My FIRST yaoi zoid ficcie, my debut. After spending splendificorous time browsing great works I decide to make my own. Etc. etc. I just reloaded this thing after making some minor corrections _; I remind again the readers that this is a YAOI (male-to-male) pairing between two Schubaltz brothers, so don't be so blame me at any mental aggravation I will give.  
  
This is a one shot story, with certified cutesy lemony lime freshness guaranteed.  
  
The fiction goes as according to Karl's P.O.V (more or less) It's worth reading the first *bleep* boring few narratives ^^; coz it will get damn better to the last part! Warning: VERY very detailed lemon. No, explicit...wait...yes, yes..detailed. I think that is the only parts I made corrections! Mwahahaha! Me evil :3  
  
Confessions: Me wa kuchi hodo ni mono o ii  
  
By the writer formerly known as Ori Oscuro  
  
  
  
I can't stand this torture anymore.  
  
If he loosens up his shirt collar one more time, I'm going to scream and bang my head against the solid asphalt. He is Lt. Thomas Schubaltz and he is my younger brother, and everyone knows that. It's been strange that how just his simple actions seems to catch my attention lately...its rather unusual, and different...different in a sense that even there is no best words to explain it, not to him not now. For the fifth time in the last six days we were skipping duties and hanging around particularly at the area by the one going constructing bridge together, talking. It's just not like me to miss some important duties, but you know what they say, blood is thicker than water. My brotherly concern just took out its natural course, lending him a shoulder to lean on as I listened to him moaning about his unrequited love with Fiona, that ancient zoidan and how he felt betrayed, when he learns that she is getting married to fellow GF pilot and rival, Van Flyheight, telling it to him, then kissing Van in front of his own eyes. It must have felt like a knife has mercilessly plunged to his heart, twisting painfully.  
  
I feel so bad for him, and also angry at him for being so blind to my feelings. He keeps searching and searching for someone to love and be loved in return, but all he finds is frustration and to be unrequited. To be unrequited is fine, but to state the obvious the blonde ancient zoidan do know that my younger brother has feelings...so why should she brought up in front of his face that she and that Flyheight are going to be wed? To make it worse, Flyheight asked him to be the best man. Speaking of adding more insult to injury.  
  
He might just shrug it off sooner or later with some sarcasm and arrogance, saying things like 'nah, she really might not be the one for me', 'there are still many fishes out there in the sea', 'I'm still young, there is no hurry to fall in love..' but as his brother I know that he is hurting deep inside. He seems not to know it, but he is delicate---as a glass--and like glass, he gets cracked from the mishandling of the rejection that comes in his way that he let messing him around. He needs someone to hold him, cherish him, to worship him for the wonderful special person that he was. He had nice looks, granted (it's in the Schubaltz blood! wee ^_^-author) and has his share of his own genius and dependability as a Schubaltz, our line that had been loyally serving under the imperial name. But my feelings go deeper than a proud brotherly fascination. He has a presence, a kind of aura that draws other people to him. He can be sometimes clumsy, having an occasional stubborn arrogance that can be so hilarious sometimes, making me realize he is more open of his emotions that I myself can even bare to express. I would watch as he fumble and stutter to Fiona, and I, standing beside Flyheight, very amused observing. But ever since the wedding of the two was brought up, in front of him, it seems he stops acting like so, he ceased to be normal. I think this would be silly for me to say, but I'm starting to miss when I stiffly reprimand him every time he keeps calling me "big bro" rather than a higher-ranking officer. My worries are confirmed when, just a week ago I tried to get him to talk about it and he keeps addressing me as "colonel, sir."  
  
"Damn it Thomas," I recalled snapping back at him, "I'm talking to you as a brother! Not as a higher ranking officer to a subordinate, so drop those formalities!"  
  
His green eyes acknowledge it immediately, "Yes, whatever you say. Karl."  
  
"That's good to hear." I then sighed, "I sensed something is bothering you, and it's affecting your duties lately. Tell me about it."  
  
"It's Miss Fiona."  
  
Back to the present, we are still idling by the constructed bridge. Still doing more, man to man talk over a few can of beers and some snacks, we sat down like little kids unmindful of the world, firmly sitting at the rough asphalt and our legs dangling down below. Thomas stubbornly persists that he'll get over with the anguish and be back in duty like nothing had happened, but I knew better . he at least downed 3 cans of beer simultaneously without throwing up. His speech somehow slurred and he was half slumping by the metallic rail as he continued to talk and talk. He keeps on saying he is going to still look for someone, but he never looks my way.  
  
What am I thinking? Of course he damn won't, I'm his friggin brother for crying out loud, his own flesh and blood! I know it's insane, but this feeling I had.this unnatural feeling that has been cropping on me these past few days, its more that I can bare. At least, I understood why I can relate to him to the situation that he is in right now. You can't tell how much you feel, and it hurts to know in the end for good reasons, you are going to be rejected. During this week, I can mentally kick myself for speaking before I think: In an effort to try to cheer him up, I always joked with him, and I've proposed to him at least twice. At my place, I lend him some clothes and he tries them in front of me. Not that there's nothing wrong with it, he just brushes away my gasps of awe in complimenting his build with comments of demeaning self-worthlessness. This errant thoughts that slowly consumes me, so sinful, forbidden and blasphemous but at the same time so enticing and wonderful.that being with him right now is like I'm both in heaven and hell at the same time. When he eats, I feel like dying while watching his fantastic mouth, or maybe knocking him down on the rough asphalt, spilling the beer and food everywhere and just kiss him so deep that I can taste his soul. When we are together these past few days, all I can think is how much I wish I could just put my arms around him and hold him close, comforting him and breath in the smell of his dark blonde hair. So much of our time spend together; he is in verge of denial and depression, as if each day by day---losing his will to live.  
  
I wish there was some way I could tell him how much I loved him, protect him from life's harsh reality and not lose him. Or at least show----  
  
He wearily stood up, slightly tipsy and a bit wobbling from a few cans of beer, and then he took hold on the railing for support, and looked at me.  
  
"Karl.."  
  
"Yes?" I said, waiting for his answer  
  
"I think I have to pee.now."  
  
I was rather embarrassed than amused about hearing his words, figuring that the liquor has somehow clouded his brain and etiquette to stupor. "Then go pee, damn it. There are a lot of cubicle rooms back at the base." I muttered, and he gave me some sort of puzzling look. ".and YES, they have them all cleaned early this morning!" as if to answer his unasked question.  
  
"Are you kidding? That's like a couple of miles away! We even have to drive to reach here, and I don't have THAT time to spare!"  
  
***  
  
I softly chuckled; Thomas is going to pee in his pants right in front of me now if I haven't thought of a good idea. "So go in the water then." I replied, pointing to the river that was rushing below us under the bridge. He immediately rushed down below choosing a secluding 'peeing' spot and I followed him in a short distance, leaning against a rock and stared at the moss growing lately at the foundation of the bridge. The roar of the river filled my ears, but it wasn't loud enough to drown out what was going through my head. I felt heavy cloth smack my arm and I sat up and shot Thomas an incredulous look.  
  
"And what I'm supposed to do with THESE?" I demanded, my face rising into a tint of crimson as what seems to be on my grasp was Thomas slacks and underwear. I blanched and extended them with one hand in a gross manner, especially when I noticed his labeled 'Thursday' underwear, and it's already Saturday.  
  
"Hold them for me, will you?" he called back, unmindful that he just gave me terrible distress as he proceeds to do his thing. "I don't want my uniform to get all wet and dirty, so just watch them for me for awhile."  
  
"Watch them do what? Are they going to dance?"  
  
He laughed in reply, the first laugh he had in days. Not wanting to appear odd (odder than usual anyway). I studied the graffiti at the foundations and supporting wall of the bridge, the rocks, and the underside, everywhere but where I so desperately wanted to look. I heard a moan and my eyes whipped to look at him.  
  
"Wow.this feels so good." He sighed and closed his eyes for a second. Having emptied himself, he proceeds in a strange fashion of hygiene in washing half of his lower body by squatting down the clean river water. I could have reprimanded out loud 'what in the name of Zi are you doing!' but instead no words came.  
  
I couldn't take it anymore. This was too much; watching my own sibling getting aroused by the water touching him in places me would never get to feel. This is way, way too much to deal with. I got up quickly and ran to the other side under the foundation at the end of the bridge. I heard splashing and then wet feet smacking the wet ground as he ran after me.  
  
"Karl, what's wrong? Where are you going?" he asked worriedly, almost forgetting that he is not wearing his slacks on and the rest of lower-half is dripping wet as they could be. He must be quite drunk, or he wouldn't follow me half-naked just like that. "Oh," he then noticed, as he looked down and gushed when realization sets in. "Damn! How can I be so stupid?! This is so embarrassing.so..."  
  
"Well, don't be."  
  
I don't know what prompted me to do next. It must have been sixth sense. I wonder if it was just the arousal of the water that made him open to my invitation, or if he had felt this way all along. Moving seemingly by itself, my hand stroke through his hair, not THAT hair I long to feel. But his beautiful deep blonde tresses, that were practically quite messed up due to lack of sleep recently these days. I stared at my hand like I've never seen it before as it pulled through that shining hair, my other hand slipping around his waist and pulling him slowly toward me.  
  
"Brother?"  
  
"Thomas."  
  
He resisted for a split second, and my heart stopped, but then he moved and pressed against me willingly. His arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me closer and closer. I placed both hands on his lithe waist like I had lain at night fantasizing about for about a week now. I licked my lips nervously not knowing what to anticipate, and looked into his sharp green eyes oh so very much like my own.  
  
A mutual consent passed between us, and we kissed. It was all I ever dreamed of, and more. The taste of his mouth is exquisite and the feel of his tongue slipping over mine was beyond description. Finally, I pulled away breathless, and softly pushed him back against the wall, roughly tearing his top uniform and my fingers stroking lightly over his under shirt that he wore as I proceed to kiss him deeper, my tongue sweeping and dueling in this battle of forbidden passion.. "Ah, sweet living Jesus, Karl!" he gasps in between moments of exhilaration when our mouths will move apart, "I don't you're such a.."  
  
".passionate kisser?"  
  
"Ah yes," I swore he is blushing, and for a moment I realized he is back to his faculties and is no longer acting drunk. He is fully sober of what is going on. He wants to say something, and I can see it in his reluctant gaze. I answered it for him, "Gods, Tommy!" I rasped, calling him with his childhood nick name. "You exactly don't have any idea what is going on my mind these past few days, it just aches me to see you getting hurt, pained..I couldn't do anything, damn it! I wanted more than to protect you.its insane.but this feelings inside me, I just don't want to look after you, I want you."  
  
And I proceed to kiss him passionately again, his mouth, his cheeks and his pale neck, just seeing how his expression softened sends me waves of great relief, "I know Karl," he said almost sweetly, as if he understand also my private pain. "I know, because you are my brother." (_; aww gad I'm so sick -author)  
  
"Your big brother, little Tommy" I groaned huskily to his delicate ear. My fingers slowly and sensually making its circle to his chest.  
  
His nipples got hard at the stimulation and poked out the fabric. I pushed his shirt up roughly and moved my hungry mouth over his upper body, relishing the taste of his salty skin. Flicking my tongue lightly over his slender chest and as I sucked at his nipple, my fingers stroke downward and pressed between his legs, down to his groin and right at the sensitive tight little hole of his ass. He loosened the muscles in his thighs and spread his legs apart to give my fingers more access, and I start to stroke his rigid manhood. I probed one finger into his tight ring and he moaned. This moan excites me even more than the one at the river did, possibly because this time it was me causing it. I bit his chest lightly and he moaned again, pulling away from the wall and arching his back. He pulled me to the ground with him and lay back with his legs spread wide open. I stared, mesmerized by what lay before me, then burying my face between his legs, sucking his member and teasing it slowly with my tongue, motioning my head in bobbing up and down. He moaned and writhed on the ground and his fingers scraped off the dirt, pulling up small pebbles as he breathed heavily into the hot June air.  
  
I slowed down and sped up, torturing his body with sensations he never felt before. I pulled a skin of his throbbing erection lightly between my teeth and flicked my tongue back and over it quickly as my hands worked down at the hole of his crack, which gave me feeling my own manhood getting harder and demanding its own release. But then, Thomas sat up on his elbows, squeezing his legs together, trapping my head where it was (not like I want to live the position anyway) He put one hand on the back of my head so I can suck it deeper into my mouth, drawing him dry and driving him into frenzied ecstasy. He let out a small whimper, as I stretched not one but three more fingers in him that loosened up his grip because of the slow penetrating pain. I raised my head with pleasure written all over my face, and so was he. "I think I had to be gentle with you, Tommy. I know you are always quite sensitive."  
  
"Am not!" came out his confident and arrogant tone, that I made me instantly smile.ah, it's just him to sound like that, and I never felt so relieved to hear him in that attitude that I pressed down and kissed his slender neck, his eyes and his mouth. "Well then, if you say so." I whispered huskily, finally unzipping my own pants and drawing out my shaft and holding him in a tight embrace, entered him in slow rhythmic thrusts.  
  
His mouth opens in a surprised gasp, clawing his hands down the pebbly moat as he felt the lancing pain enter him, "Hush." I rasped, and placed my mouth to his, locking him into a passionate kiss, drowning the possibilities to hear him cry. I don't want to hear him cry, and I won't make him cry because of me, that I hurt him. But this one is different, I'm not hurting him and he knows---just.showing I damnably love him more than a brother, more than one can imagine. Our motion moved from the slow sensual tryst escalating to a wild and bacchanal ride on its delicious heights, until both of us draw into one frenzied climax. His whole body shook and he let out one long moan as I kissed him deeply, catching his short waves of exhausted breath and us both swallowing our cries. After that, we lay still in silence for a moment, around several minutes, still locked into each others arms and aware of each other's breathing. It is over.  
  
I finally leaned up in one supporting elbow, and looked at him, kissing the dry salty tears that streaked his cheeks. My face became to fill with concern, "Does it hurts, Tommy?" He was breathing slowly now and his eyes half closed. He looked more content than I had ever seen him. Even after what I had just done, I was still afraid that I might lose him,  
  
I was surprised at his reply, "It's my first time, and well of course it does! How come you have to be the one to be on top?" I laughed and kissed him gently on the nose, sibling rivalry never did change. I jokingly replied, "Because I'm older?"  
  
There is a mild blush on his cheeks as he pouted and he finally sat up, snatching his clothes that have fallen near the river that are miraculously unsoiled and proceeds to put them on. I helped him get dressed, and we looked around if there has been anyone that could have possible have seen us. So far none and that were good. He winced a bit when I tapped him lightly from behind, "Thomas."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you going to hate me for this? Doing this to you?"  
  
But he smiled at me and re-assured me that all was well. "You didn't do anything to hurt me Karl, I know you do."  
  
I stood up and offered him my hand to help him up. "You know I won't never do such a thing," I smiled warmly; "You're the only brother I got. And yet this.what I felt.what you." this is so stupid! I'm usually the calm one with words, but I end up severely stuttering just like Thomas does often when he talks to the blonde zoidan.  
  
"We are more than brothers, Karl..more than now, more than they'll know."  
  
***  
  
He didn't let go of my hand as we walked out from under the bridge. He didn't even let go when we finally arrive home at the military base where I'm assigned to. Some of the soldiers, employers working in the area gave us strange glances and funny looks, especially when he turned around and kissed me when we finally got out the vehicle.  
  
"I presume that's your brother, colonel sir." One of the officers can't help but notice uneasily. "I can't recall that he was that friendly."  
  
"Nah, he is a sentimentalist." I smiled secretly and tightly tilted my cap to my head. "We are just the same difference."  
  
"Sir?!"  
  
I wasn't paying attention to the puzzled subordinate, but instead watched Thomas walk towards his Dibison and prepare things near the hangar.  
  
"Going away so soon?" I asked, approaching from a distance.  
  
"I had to" he replied, his tone rose in some formality. "I'm slacking off and taking much off your time, Colonel Schubaltz, sir! I got also some missions to attend and duties to be done." And he smiled slowly, "..big bro ( "  
  
"You are still going to deal with the situation you are in. Have you thought about it?" I said, referring indirectly about Fiona's and Van Flyheight's wedding.  
  
"Yes, I just can't run away and cry out my pain. I had to learn to deal with it from now on. Its life's harsh reality right?"  
  
"Right, Lieutenant. I'm glad you know." I smiled faintly. "Well then, what are you waiting for? Hurry up. The GF would really need some extra hand right now, and that Van cannot handle all the assignments and battles for himself."  
  
"Right," he acknowledged tersely, then gave me a salute for a higher- ranking officer, then he turned back and proceeds to open the cockpit and re-activate beek's system that was shut down for sometime already. I turned around, and proceed to do about my business.only to pause, and strangled words came out of my mouth. "If you have any problem, anything.. If you need me, you know I'll just be here."  
  
Those words cause him to turn around towards me, and rushing beside me and to tap at my shoulder. "I will. I'll contact you if ever I can." He shook my hand in a tight grip, "Thank you.thank you for being there for me.brother."  
  
"It's nothing.really."  
  
And then he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek much to the others watching in dismay, and rode his Dibson was gone. I can't believe this! In few days with Thomas, the thought made me at ease now and knowing undeniably that we somehow understood each other in a special kind of way. Lt. Thomas Schubaltz, my brother, the man that I learned to love.  
  
**********************  
  
END! *plugs her bleeding nose with tissue as her work got stamped with NC rating.*  
  
I think this must be rated XXX instead :+  
  
You guys might wonder what the title is: it means, love needs no words...that the eyes speak more than the mouth. Japanese proverb ^~; now I can get to work at the van x raven one shot...erm, so u guys like it? **puppy dog eyes** From now on my titles are going to be on Japanese--- that's my trademark :)  
  
Credits goes to those yaoi doujins I collected, making erm.this damn story detailed!  
  
-ravenous  
  
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